


Going Gopnik

by Makigaki



Series: Slavs Being Slavs [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Slavs being Slavs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-20 02:01:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19367860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Makigaki/pseuds/Makigaki
Summary: How Viktor and Vladislav met.Read in your best Russian accent, aloud or in your head.





	Going Gopnik

**Author's Note:**

> viktor is 13  
> vladislav is 15

"Say, you are young to be moving here by yourself, da?"

 

A stoic teenager, older than himself, appears out of nowhere.

Viktor hopes he's friendly. 

 

"Oh, I guess. Is not permanent or anything. My coach will stay with me, too."

"Guy with receding hairline?"

 

_Okay, very blunt, no tact. Probably has a hard time lying. Hopefully._

 

Viktor doesn't know the crime rate in St. Petersburg, but he really doesn't want to be mugged or something just before his competition. The teenager's tracksuit pocket is full of _something_.

 

"Well, da.... Don't tell him that, he is..."

"Fragile, like baklava?"

 

_Okay, that was strange._

 

"Ha! Yes. Um, you are?"

"Oh, where have my manners gone? I am Vladislav, friendly neighborhood gopnik. Babushkas in area were stalking you from their balconies and... send me over to welcome you. They think you are too skinny, beware. "

 

Viktor had noticed the large amount of babushkas on patrol when he first checked out the neighborhood.

Viktor relaxes. The area is probably pretty safe, then.

Viktor looks at his arms. Maybe he should steer clear of babushkas for now, though.

 

"You are very hesitant with calling it 'send'. What is the problem?"

"Ah, well, you see, I am old enough for slightly remembering when St. Petersburg was Leningrad, and babushkas here like to remember 'good old days'. They think I am more Russian for also remembering and that kids today are too soft."

"...Okay?"

"What I mean is, Babushka would have beaten me with a broom if I had not greeted you. The rest would join in too, but with rolling pins instead." 

 

Oh. That makes more sense.

 

"Oh, well, I am glad you came over—I know _my_ babushka has a strict arm."

 

Viktor's babushka favors hairbrushes herself.

 

"It must be Super Babushka Secret, because every one I know is same way."

 

Viktor nods his head, idlly playing with his suitcase's zipper. Babushka is scary.

 

"Da, instead of vodka, I hear they are drinking straight from the Chernobyl."

 

Vladislav laughs at that. It is a very friendly laugh. Brotherly, even. 

Viktor wonders if Vladislav has younger siblings.

 

"It is nice meeting you, ah..."

"Viktor."

"Oh, Viktor, nice, strong name. You mention coach, da? With name like that, I am sure you will do very well in your field."

 

Viktor finally smiles. He loves his sport.

 

"I am figure skater, and I am hoping to do well. I have competition this week."

"Oh, davai! Very pretty sport, it is. Very Russian. Also, I have special thing—babushkas make sure I do not forget it like complete debil-"

 

Vladislav briefly digs around in his tracksuit's pockets.

 

"-aha! Winiary Majonez!"

 

Viktor knocks over his suitcase.

 

"The, the Polish mayonez? Are you for real?"

"Da, I am glad you know of it! Miss Valya—oldest babushka on street—has son who lives in Poland. Miss Valya is very well stocked with Polish mayonez. Here, as housewarming gift."

"R-really? I am having it? Just like that?" 

"Miss Jenya—youngest babushka on street—says _her_ son was greeted to neighborhood with special gift from neighbors in some capitalist country. Miss Valya says we can do better, and bring _very_ special gift to new arrivals." 

 

Viktor is sure Babushka beat some manners into him, but he's still in shock of being presented Polish mayonnaise.

 

"Ah, um, thank you, Vladislav. I- _I love mayonez_."

"Is no problem! Now, before I let you get on with day, just know you can always come to friendly neighborhood gopnik Vladislav for help, da?"

"Da, thank you again, Vladislav!"

"You can call me Vlad, actually. I am sure we will see each other often."

"Okay, Vlad. It is nice meeting you. Thank you!"

"Alright, be careful now, Viktor!"

 

 

* * *

 

 

Later, as Viktor eats the best mayonnaise on the planet, he thinks about how Vladislav got it.

 

_Friendly neighborhood gopnik._

 

If going gopnik is all it takes to get Polish mayonnaise, well.

That's just easy math.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Why do I wear Adidas? Simple answer: have you tried squatting in jeans? Is no good. And, back in Soviet days, Adidas once provided for whole team during summer Olympics. Their tracksuit is symbol of class, Viktor."

"Ahh, really? Which Olympics?"

"Not long ago, in 1980. Same decade we were born. That was good decade."

"Oh, okay. Can you show me trick for opening semechki quickly again? I think I am nearing it." 

"Of course! Here..."

 

**Author's Note:**

> vladislav is a total granny's boy, calling them 'miss' and a nickname at the same time
> 
> babushkas love him


End file.
